Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
