i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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