I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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