apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
