he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
