Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
