I cannot find my penis.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well you can't waste a boner
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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