Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
