its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
