did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
