i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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