"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
