I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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