when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they call him Oral-B. enough said
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
