Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
