Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
