Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
