This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
