I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
