I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
