Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
