Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
