I have demons in me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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