I have demons in me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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