he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
