brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
