Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
