Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
