Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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