I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
