2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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