AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
