I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
