He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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