No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
