I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
