i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
