Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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