I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
