Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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