Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
