so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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