my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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