I got chris browned last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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