Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
