I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
