Ambien. No doubt about it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
