Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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