i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
