so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
