I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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