sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
