this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
