Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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