I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
