butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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