I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
