If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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