why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
