porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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