I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
