we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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