Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
