the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
