so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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