you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
