tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
