FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
