im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize