So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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