areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
