No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
