Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
