I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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