This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
